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| Monday, January 05, 2009 |
| American Conversation |
Americans cherish, defend, and still somehow take for granted the freedom and rights our ancestors fought to establish. We created, inhabit and share an open and friendly society, comfortably exchanging a nod, a smile, a friendly conversation, maybe even a polite disagreement with anyone, anywhere, almost anytime we find ourselves alone together. Weather, sports, politicians, headlines, and hometowns are common ground, a starting point to bond over mutual interests or complaints. ‘Beautiful day,’ ‘Where are you from?’ ‘What were they thinking?’ ‘Did you believe that fumble?’, or, lately, ‘what a crook’, are usually concluded with ‘nice chatting with you’, or the dreaded ‘have a nice day’ before parting ways.
I recently spent some time with a woman from Bulgaria. We were seated next to each other in a crowded waiting area, and when I asked how long she’d been waiting or where she was going, she looked down at my feet for a long moment or two, so I did too. Then she said “you Americans will speak to anyone.” I was trying to decide what my feet had to do with her answer, and wondered if she was insulting, frightening, or complimenting me in particular, Americans in general, or just speaking to my feet? She looked at my feet again, and said “In my country, and really in Europe, strangers don’t speak. Not in restaurants, not waiting in lines, not even on planes, seated next to each other.” Why not? “We don’t speak unless we know each other or are introduced.” Who would introduce you I asked, the stewardess? “No one would introduce, so no one would speak.” What are people afraid of, I asked? “Not afraid, just custom.” I’m not so sure about the ‘afraid’ part, but I asked her why she was willing to speak to me now, and she said she’d been in America for almost 15 years. She might not begin communicating with a stranger, but would participate in these conversations.
Now that we were old friends, I asked about the feet business. She burst out laughing and said “how else would you judge a stranger?” I burst out laughing and said “you’re not serious!” But she was. “In Europe we own one good pair of shoes, and we take care of them. If your shoes are worn, not polished or cared for, it tells us your whole story.” I tried to slide my feet behind me, under the chair, and she laughed even harder and said “No, no, no, yours are good shoes, well cared for, I checked first, it’s reflex.” She asked “what do you look for first in a stranger?” I told her a warm smile. She said “Bah, everyone can smile.” I tried to explain that if the smile doesn’t reach your eyes, it’s not authentic. She said “easy to hide feelings, hard to hide feet.” I told her I was sure I could see an honest smile, or at least spot a fake one, although research I looked up the minute I got home show that most people can’t! I remembered a few years ago in Singapore they actually tried to enforce a “Smile Singapore” campaign to teach residents to look less grim, which seems to be the national expression. She wasn’t impressed, “smile is not important, you take care of your shoes, you take care of your life.” I told her I’d heard people in Thailand were famous for their welcoming and ever present smile, but now I wondered if a polish your shoes campaign would do more to impress European visitors. She just pointed to the shoe-shine kiosk, with no customers, at the airport. She was sticking with the shoe check metaphor; “is quicker and more efficient.”
We talked a little more about shoes and smiles before parting ways. When it was time for her to leave, I tried to shake her hand, but she said “no, shake is for business. Friends kiss both cheeks.” She did, I did, then I stole a quick look at her feet. She nodded with approval and said “good to be quick learner, smile not important…have a nice day.”
I could hear her laughter as she walked away.
Just a few days later, New Year’s headlines from Bangkok in the New York Times confirmed what my Bulgarian friend already knew. The famous smiles of Thailand just aren’t what they seem to be. “Foreign visitors are charmed, but the truth is, it can often be difficult to know what is behind the Thai smile, which can hide happiness or sadness, regret or anticipation, triumph or embarrassment, warmth or wickedness.” The smile has faded following “a rough year in Thailand with revolving governments, restless mobs and a week-long takeover of Bangkok’s airports that frightened away tourists from the country that keeps calling itself the Land of Smiles. One attempt to restore smiling faces has “motorcycle policemen in Bangkok wearing the latest version of the famous Thai smile with a goofy red grin painted on their white anti-pollution masks.” The article went on to explain that smiles are no longer mandatory in Singapore, but that in Japan, “workers have been trained to hold a chopstick in their teeth to produce the living equivalent of a smiling emoticon.”
I’m going to start watching feet now, not to judge, just to see if they are the new windows to your ‘sole’. I haven’t given up on smiles, or friendly conversation with strangers. That’s the American art, or heart, of communication.
Happy New Year!
- Nancy
Labels: food for thought, Nancy
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posted by My Sensei @ Monday, January 05, 2009   |
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