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| Monday, October 13, 2008 |
| Don’t Spill the Beans |
Everyone has secrets. Secrets are a lot like ‘little white lies’. We tend to think of secrets, and lies, as bad things, but I think they provide a public service. They protect your privacy, and help keep peace. Once you spill the beans everything changes. Beans are like cats. Once they’re out of the bag, they are never going back in.
I probably shouldn’t spill the beans on this, but I have a secret habit. I’ve kept it under ‘wraps’ ‘til now, but I’ve decided to go public. There’s nothing really peculiar about my secret or I might have considered professional help. I know I won’t stop on my own. I want to say I’m completely comfortable with my choices. While it’s true that I have never explained the circumstances, those who have received my gifts seem to accept
my need to pretend I’m an elf.
Maybe I shouldn’t have spilled the beans? It’s possible everything will change now that I’ve revealed this. We’ve all seen it happen. The people you thought were your friends begin to mock your gifts. What was once seen as charming or quirky becomes something to make fun of. Still, I feel the time is right to spill the beans, their circumstances have changed, and their story should be heard. I just feel like telling mine.
Every year in September I gather my birthday and holiday shopping lists and start to stockpile gift catalogs. I read them at night in the bathtub, and circle soggy pages, choosing presents for friends and family. By late September I’m almost done shopping. By the end of October most of my gifts are purchased, wrapped, labeled, and gathering dust until the Holidays actually arrive. One flaw in my system is that I sometimes loose control, that’s the elf in me, and deliver my gifts early. Then I have to start all over again, because most people won’t remember in December what I gave them before Halloween.
My friend Debra’s daughters always teases me and says “we thought you forgot us” if I wait to deliver their gifts until the day before their birthday. Another drawback in my plan is that nothing is ever on sale when I shop, and it’s never crowded. I don’t get to complain about or experience the thrill of lining up at dawn, frantic for “door busters,” or circle endlessly, searching for a parking spot at the mall in December. I never get to shop until midnight, when the mall is open late, and I’d like to, really I would. I just can’t seem to force myself to wait. Elves have issues like everyone else.
Instead I come home in early October and hope cartons and boxes have arrived. I really love to sit on the floor surrounded by wrapping paper, ribbon, scissors, tape, and cards…elf euphoria! That’s a third problem with my method. Whether I shop in person, on line, or by phone, I need to wrap myself. It’s an elf thing, and finding holiday wrapping paper is not easy in September. I get some very strange looks when I ask where the Holiday gift wrap is as others shop for back-to-school supplies. You wouldn’t believe the number of times I’ve had to put up with “the elves haven’t delivered it yet.” Duh…we only wrap, we don’t deliver. It would be there if we did.
But enough about me, let’s get back to the beans. As I was saying, wrapping is my thing. But opening other peoples’ packages is not. It’s not jealousy, really, I’m not ‘wrapped’ that tight…it’s the beans. Every carton I receive is filled to the brim with electro statically charged styrofoam beans. It is not possible to remove anything from a box full of beans without an ecological revolution. Beans escape and cling to every surface they shouldn’t, and refuse to budge. Or worse, they separate, take flight, and refuse to be returned to any container you’re trying to put them in.
They flee behind big appliances, and you just know they’re aiming for the motor. When ever I see batches of them blowing up a street on garbage day, I cringe for the person who packed that carton, and the one who set these non-biodegradable beans free.
Saturday morning I tried a new approach. My first big carton of holiday gifts was waiting. I opened the box top, and taped all 4 folding sides upright and open, hoping to contain the spill. I reached in and the odor of peanut butter was everywhere. I was sure the crusts of someone’s peanut butter& jelly sandwich were in the box with my order! I decided to call customer service and ask for milk and cookies too. While I was on hold, I reached in to the beans, and found a postcard. I hung up just in time. You won’t believe what I found out. First of all, they are not called beans. They are called “peanuts.” I was shocked! I kept reading. The post card contained wonderful news for the environment that the rest of you might not discover for another month, so I want to share this right away! This is what it says:
PACKED A NEW WAY TO PROTECT OUR ENVIRONMENT
“You may notice a different packing material in this shipment from us. That’s because we switched from foam “peanuts” to a choice that’s better for our planet.”
When you turn the card over, the information continues:
“1. It’s 100% biodegradable. Made from pure corn and potato starch, the material breaks down in water within nine minutes.
There are easy options for disposing of this natural material: follow the link and read all about it.
2. It provides excellent protection for your purchase, as good as or better than foam peanuts.”
Kudos to Macy’s and Bloomingdale’s. They are “fulfilling a pledge to reduce our impact on the environment for a more sustainable future.” Elves everywhere are rejoicing.
I’d still like milk and cookies.
- Nancy
Labels: Healthy Planet, Nancy
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posted by The Sensei Team @ Monday, October 13, 2008   |
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